DEATH NOTICE
TODAY we mourn the passing of an old friend Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life, but died in the United States from heart failure. No one knows how old he was because his birth records have been lost long ago in bureaucratic red tape. He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, homes, factories; helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies – don’t spend more than you earn – and believed reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge not the kids), and it’s okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing, whole language and “new maths.” But, his health declined when he became infected with the “if-it-only-helps-one-person-it’s-worth-it” virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well-intentioned, but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented “zero tolerance” policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate on the cheek, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could NOT inform the parent when a teen student wanted condoms, was pregnant or wanted an abortion.
Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses into everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports.
Finally, when the woman, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot and that it is not advisable to put such a cup of coffee between her legs, was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end drew near, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic, but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations, such as those for low-flow toilets (that often require two flushes), rocking chairs and step ladders.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son. Reason. He is survived by two step brothers: Mye Rights and Ima Whiner Not too many attended his funeral, because so few realized he was gone.
Submitted by Kay Adams – Undercover Club Newsletter Revd Kenneth Kemble, Post Office Box 5204, Uvalde, Texas 78802-5204, United States of America
